By Heather Melton, UTO Staff Officer

My kids participate in a program called KidStrong. For the past few months, one of the activities they’ve been learning about is how to order food. Now this might seem simple to those of us who have been ordering food for a long time, but most kids have their food ordered for them by their parents. This past week, one of the parents I was sitting next to commented that there are a lot of adults who could use this tutorial as well, so I realized I should pay closer attention to the steps the kids were learning. 

Step One: Make eye contact. Step Two: Clearly state what you want to eat and say please. Step Three: When the waitperson acknowledges your order, say thank you and maintain eye contact; maybe smile if they were extra nice to you. Since we’ve been learning this practice, my kids are super excited to order things, and they are also now watching how adults behave in places where you order things. One of my kids commented that most adults don’t look up from their phone and make eye contact. The other said most didn’t say please or thank you, which felt like a big deal to them because I’m always reminding them to say both. She literally asked when she could stop saying please and thank you since adults don’t do it. 

My answer was simple: These things sound simple but can actually be quite hard; that’s why they’re practicing it with adults they know and trust, so that it gets easier for us the longer we do it. We aren’t ever going to stop saying please and thank you, and we’re going to always make eye contact when talking to people unless it is not culturally appropriate for the person we’re speaking to. We talked about how these simple things honor the person we’re talking to and can even sometimes make their day better. Sometimes, we want to just check out and look at our phone, but it’s better to stay present; you don’t know what you’ll miss. 

Here at UTO, we talk a lot about the importance of gratitude, and sometimes I wonder if folks dismiss us because they think gratitude is simple. It is something we teach children to say, after all. For me, and I’m guessing for a lot of you, one of the things we notice when we start practicing gratitude is that it isn’t so simple. Years ago, a friend of mine, Michael, showed me a plant that looks like one in the photo. Michael told me that he loved these plants because each blade is imprinted with the blades that formed around it. He said that for him, this is a reminder that we all leave imprints on one another. 

For me, this is what happens when we practice gratitude: We imprint upon one another. I notice that when I follow the steps my kids learned about ordering food, eye contact, and saying please and thank you, I sometimes catch people off guard, as though they are surprised I’m looking at them and grateful for them. I think that’s because we’re disconnected from one another in a variety of ways. I feel it in my bones when someone thanks me, and it often catches me off guard because I’m not expecting to be thanked. 

During spring break, I hosted some of the neighborhood kids for a play group, and I ordered pizza to feed them. When the delivery driver got to my house (I had paid and tipped online), he stopped me and said, “I want to thank you for your generosity; I really appreciate that you tipped me. People don’t really tip much anymore, and I rely on it, so thank you for being generous.” I was speechless. I didn’t really think about it when I did it; I tipped a percentage that I always use, and mostly was just grateful someone would bring food to my house when it was full of kiddos who can eat their weight in pizza. I stammered; I know I said you’re welcome, but I wish I would have said something more profound. 

This exchange reminded me of two key truths of gratitude. One: For me, it is easier to say thank you than to be thanked; I need to get better at receiving gratitude. Two: Gratitude generates generosity, something we talk about at UTO (and why we have free stewardship materials). When we practice gratitude, we notice the impact of the nice things someone has done for us, and it becomes contagious; we want to pass that feeling along to others. It is nice to notice that we are connected and needed, and gratitude does that. I didn’t know it at the time, but as much as I needed the pizza to appear at my house, the driver needed me to do it as well, for very different reasons. We are connected through gratitude and generosity. Generosity doesn’t just mean money; it can mean the ways we give of our time and ourselves to help others, but in giving those things, we find we are weaving the connections between us. Strangers become neighbors, neighbors become friends, friends become family. 

The next time you wonder how to make the world a better place, consider ways to be generous and grateful, and remember as much as we want to think it is an easy task, it is in fact one that takes practice, just like my kids are learning and noticing. Consider how gratitude can help you stay present, and join in me in thinking about how hard that is when you’ve got a phone to distract you in your pocket before you just take it out and mindlessly scroll. (I’m probably just talking to myself on this one.) Be sure to let me know how the world changes when you practice gratitude and share generously of yourself with others, because I have a feeling you don’t give yourself enough credit for the ways you are knitting the world around you together with love and kindness. So, thank you for all the ways you show up in the world sharing gratitude and yourself with others. I am so grateful for the kindness and care you’re putting out into the world today and every day.